The Mirror - Friend or Foe?
We are surrounded by predators. You think people are going to do the best and act in your best interest - that is not the case. We must find the strength to stand on our own two feet and set boundaries. Those boundaries are instrumental in our ability to maintain our courage to stand alone. People take advantage of your pleasant demeanor, kindness, and physical attractiveness. They assume those ingredients are some concoction for violation and inappropriateness. It has happened several times where people take advantage of me in certain situations, and I'm unable to say no because I'm too concerned about the affection and attention that come with a sense of belonging.
From the mouth of our beloved RuPaul, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" - Words to live by! Truly, he captures the essence and importance of self-love. We must love and appreciate ourselves before we can truly love and appreciate anyone else. The most critical and profound relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself! You are born into one body and die in one body - Make the most of the time you have on this blue marble.
Loving yourself means knowing when to set clear, concise boundaries with others who don't respect your peace. This can come in many forms, but in the context of this post, it comes in the form of being able to say "NO". Relationships do not have to be all good or all bad. There's no point in viewing a relationship with another human as polarized. The human experience is a colorful palette of different connected hues. We should be willing to blend, dab, mix, and create new colors from our relationships. You should create distance when necessary, establish clear boundaries when needed, feel empowered to protect your own peace, and feel comfortable saying "NO". The only caveat would be if your life is in danger.
I have had many different relationships in my 39 years of life, and I have come to understand that the word "friend" is thrown around way too much. Who are our real friends? People we connect with once a year, having conversations about superficial stuff, or the friend you grab lunch with once a month. - Consider the friend you go years without seeing, but once reunited, it's easy to pick up where you left off. My intent is not to help you categorize your relationships, but to bring awareness to your intention with the relationships you are in. It is okay to be closer to some people than others.
Although these relationships cannot or typically do not have depth, they still exist. Honoring them for what they are is an integral part of our own growth and evolution. But I must express again the importance of firm boundaries and limiting unnecessary contact without purpose. We are responsible for our own boundaries and required peace. The degree to which we involve ourselves with this person is our own doing. We should let go of the societal influence of how we "should" act or what we "should" do. We are here to live our own lives and create our own meaningful relationships. If you keep a distance and maintain healthy boundaries, you can have plenty of friendships. It's essential to protect your peace and know when to say no and deny access that disrupts and disturbs your overall well-being. Putting effort into knowing yourself ultimately helps establish your position in relationships and within the world at large. Understanding your own core values and what you stand for is the ultimate pinnacle of self-growth. Often, these relationships do not require titles. They can be friends, best friends, or just acquaintances. Labeling them is not the critical aspect, but understanding your position in my relationship is.
In conclusion, we need to establish a relationship with ourselves. There's no relationship worth sacrificing our peace. If your boundaries are constantly being violated, you need to ask yourself if this relationship is truly worth keeping, especially when people come and go in our lives. Are they friends you can count on forever? Your well-being and mental health are worth investing in, and everything else comes second.
Disclaimer:
The content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your physician or other qualified health professionals with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice based on information you have read here.
