The Mirror - Natural Feelings
Not everything that happens to us is natural, but the feelings we have about it always are. Every day, we feel something: about loved ones, the weather, the events of our day. Feelings are an emotional state or reaction, subjective and personal, independent of the thoughts or images that spark them. They are natural, valid, and part of being human.
The way it came about is not natural; the feelings associated with it are natural. Every day we have feelings. We have feelings about our loved ones, and we have feelings about the events that happen throughout our day. We have feelings about the weather. We have feelings about everything. It is natural to have feelings. It is natural to have an emotional response to things that happen to you, around you, and so on. Feelings are defined as an emotional state or reaction. A feeling is a self-contained phenomenal experience; feelings are subjective, evaluative, and independent of the sensations, thoughts, or images evoking them.
Our feelings at times are powerful and may present as overwhelming. When we attach too much value to those feelings, that's when we get into trouble. Feelings are not thoughts, and thoughts are not feelings. Both thoughts and feelings are natural, and we should not be too quick to judge either. Especially when our thoughts and feelings create a negative tone in our heads. It is essential, however, to be curious about the thoughts and feelings. Question why these feelings and thoughts have come up. Consider alternative thoughts that challenge your feelings and thoughts, and explore the root of these thoughts and feelings.
For example, you are driving home past a neighbor's house and see a bunch of cars in their driveway. You see other friends that you know going in and out of their house. You immediately have FOMO (fear of missing out). You then start to spiral, wondering why you were excluded from this get-together. What did you do wrong? Why were you not invited? Feelings and thoughts may come up that are negative. You may feel resentment or anger, maybe sadness, and your thoughts are running wild with statements, like "I won't invite them to my next party, just watch and see" or "I would not want to go to her stupid party anyway, it is always dull and boring". Sit with these feelings and thoughts and become curious. Perhaps she is hosting a special party for all her friends who are mothers, or maybe it is a book club meeting. You might have been distant from her for some time, too busy growing your life, so that she felt you wouldn't come even if invited. There are 100s of alternatives that you could curiously create.
Your curiosity does not change reality, but it gives you options to better assess the situation and appropriately manage your feelings and thoughts. Becoming curious about the feelings takes the experience that presents as if it is happening to you and puts you back in the driver's seat. We can assess the situation in a more straightforward and less judgmental way. We can then focus on the rationale behind the behaviors or events that cause the feelings to surface. Curiosity does not equal a free pass from responsibility, but it does give avenues to explore alternative points of reference. Consider the example mentioned above. Perhaps I wasn't invited because I had intentionally set mental and physical boundaries with the person hosting. Ideally, it would be nice to act independently without influencing the other person/party, but in reality, we cannot clap with one hand.
Feelings are natural, but that does not always mean that the way the event occurred or played out is natural. Considering this aspect helps individuals heal from the situation. Unfortunately, we do not always have events that are natural or even morally okay. Having feelings associated with the event is a natural thing, but that does not excuse the actions or the events.
In the end, recognizing that our feelings are natural allows us to meet them with compassion rather than judgment. Curiosity becomes our ally—it helps us explore the origins of those feelings, consider other perspectives, and respond with greater clarity and balance. While we cannot control every event or ensure that all situations unfold fairly or naturally, we can control how we process and act on the emotions they spark. By staying curious and mindful, we reclaim our role as the driver of our own emotional experience, creating space for understanding, growth, and healthier connections with ourselves and others.
Disclaimer:
The content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your physician or other qualified health professionals with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice based on information you have read here.
