The Mirror - Sense of Self
It is so easy to lose sight of who we are as individuals. We are exposed to developmental modeling early in life that sets the tone for how we interact with ourselves and other humans. Hopefully, most of my readers have had good experiences and have developed into fully functioning humans. Some of my other blogs discuss other developmental modeling. For some of us, it was not and is not that easy. We were taught from a young age that we need others to complete us and make us whole. There is no sense of self without another person.
Shel Silverstein wrote several children's books that have entertained children and families for decades. One of my favorite books by him is "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O". It is an incredible book that breaks down the importance of self-growth. Without ruining the book for you, the story is about an entity that searches for its missing piece. This “missing piece” is something to complete it and make it whole. They search for several pages, as it is not a very long book, and it contains few words, but the message is powerful. The entity eventually determines that they never had a missing piece and that all along, they just needed to work towards transformation to find happiness.
Learning that we do not need others to feel complete and live a whole life is an invaluable lesson. Too often, we find value through the lens of others, and we find ourselves on a perpetual hamster wheel chasing after other people's opinions. Time to stop that chase. It is essential to understand that everything we have ever wanted, everything we have ever needed, and everything we are or will be is inside of us. We do not need to rely on the external world for validation or comfort. YOU ARE ENOUGH! Let those words sink in….
Unfortunately, I had to learn the value of self-independence and acceptance the hard way. I was brought up in an environment that would not permit me to have my own sense of self without relying on others. That deficit continued to be an opportunity for me to grow as a person for many years, and I've only just started understanding the importance of acknowledging that I am enough and will always be enough. There is a significant lack of understanding of their place in the world, and it is often taken for granted. Key teaching moments are missed where individuals are not empowered to love and accept themselves fully. If we are not taught this at an early age, we usually find ourselves torn apart when we are not accepted, and we remain in a constant state of chasing validation. We look for validation in others and their opinions; we must learn to grow and become our own cheerleader. Often, this evolution is complicated. I do not necessarily blame my parents for not being able to teach me, but I do hold them fully responsible for not empowering me to develop my own sense of self.
My childhood led to polarized thinking, and with that polarization, it was an all-or-nothing mindset. I was constantly seeking validation from others. I had no sense of self without another, and I was taught this by my parents at a very early age. The unraveling of that thought process has taken decades to unwind that ball of emotions. I find myself seeking approval and validation from others, which is not helping my personal growth. It was not until recently that I discovered a sense of being and growth separate from others. Therefore, as I type, I am living proof that this can be accomplished with hard work and determination.
Growth is not a straight line, and learning to untangle years of conditioning is often a painful, slow, and humbling process. Yet, the beauty in this journey is that every step taken toward self-acceptance brings us closer to wholeness. We may not always get the guidance we deserved in childhood, but as adults, we have the power to rewrite the narrative and reclaim our worth. The lesson is not that we must be perfect or completely independent of others, but that we must first recognize our value within ourselves. When we do, our connections with others become wealthier, healthier, and rooted in authenticity rather than need.
So, if you find yourself chasing validation or questioning your worth, pause and remind yourself: you are not missing any pieces—you are already the whole. The fundamental transformation happens when we stop searching outward and begin embracing inward. That's when true freedom begins.
Disclaimer:
The content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your physician or other qualified health professionals with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice based on information you have read here.
