The Mirror - Scarcity Culture
According to the Oxford Online Dictionary, "Culture" is defined as "the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group". Therefore, if you think about it, our own family dynamic and history create a unique culture specific to each of us. We all have a shared sense of culture with our families. Culture may include a blend of typical traditions and role assignments that one could compare with other families. Or there could be an altered sense of traditions and role assignments in a family. For example in a household where the parents are divorced, the role assignment will look different as compared to a family that remains intact. The sense and realization of culture is fabricated during our childhood. As a family unit, regardless of composition, we have a set of shared beliefs and values. If you are taught at a young age that people of a different race are not like you and you place value on that difference then you grow up believing that other races are bad. We develop social institutions, customs, and beliefs as a family unit. We grow and die as a family unit. If secrets are vibrant in our family, then we learn to not share feelings and emotions, and create a toxic environment where you only share and celebrate the positive idealistic components that have a good chance of aligning with society's view of what is appropriate. If you have events that go against what society thinks is normal, you find yourself hiding from society. An example could be addiction, and often addiction is hidden because families feel that it is not appropriate to be shared and discussed outside of the home. In the family, we learn the limitations of how far a smile can get you.
We often look for ways to connect our past to our present future. Our life creates a sense of culture specific to our own lives. No other person can share that culture with us because it is unique to us and unique as our fingerprints. For me growing up in a family with a lower economic status than others in the 90's created a sense of scarcity. Growing up poorer than other children did have an impact on my development. After the divorce, any excess money was gone. In the divorce, my sister and I decided to live with my mom in the house we moved in to before the divorce. Imagine being 13 years old and forced to choose which parent you want to live with; as you can imagine, it is a hard decision. My father paid my mother child support, but that money rarely went towards anything we needed. While other kids were shopping at Abercrombie and Fitch or Aeropastle, I remember I would do my school clothes shopping at the local Dollar General. I was overweight, had acne, and was feminine, so the easiest thing was to blend in with the crowd. I would buy plain white "Jerzee" t-shirts from Dollar General Store, overziand that was that. When I got my job at the age of 16, I would buy more name-brand clothing and quickly learned the power of independence. I was being groomed to have feelings of scarcity from a young age. Even being on the discounted lunch program it was clear to me and the kids around me I was poor, which was apparent because my lunch ticket was a different color than other kids; my clothes were often old and not clean when I went to school. Other kids at school did have better, newer backpacks, school supplies, and clothing, and those kids never seemed to have "wanted" for much. Kids notice these differences.
In my life, "Collections" is a metaphor for my attached need to collect things. I believe I collect things because, growing up, my family did not have the means to buy stuff, and I was often surrounded by scarcity throughout my childhood. My family was not necessarily dirt poor and was probably considered lower class, but still, due to the complexity of my parent's relationship – my mom wanted to overindulge, and my father tried to compensate for my mother's overindulgence of then, living in metaphorical poverty. In early 1998, my father made the difficult decision to divorce my mother. For years, they have been struggling with communication and trust around money. My mother wanted to spend money, and my father wanted to save money. Unfortunately, they disagreed on their financial goals, and their lack of trust led to the divorce. I do not blame either of them for the divorce; I am better because of it. However, I question the overwhelming feeling of scarcity that was a theme throughout my childhood. I would venture to think that my mother was also raised in an environment of scarcity, which is why "enough was never enough."
Culture influences us in many ways and we cannot run from our culture and past. However just because it is a part of us does not mean it should define us. It is time to take hold of your past cultural influences and make choices on what you want to carry with you and what you need to let go.
