The Mirror - “I am pancake”
Picture it, Carlsbad, California, 2019. My husband's Mom and Dad were visiting from India for 3 months. Yes, three months! We can unpack that in another post! As good sons, we were taking them all around California and to Las Vegas (again, another possible fun post). While traveling to Southern California, we stopped in Carlsbad, enjoying the energy and scenery, and decided to have lunch at Café Gratitude. One of the most distinctive aspects of Café Gratitude's menu is that each dish is named as a positive affirmation, such as "I Am Love," "I Am Peace," or "I Am Grateful." Instead of simply ordering food, guests are invited to speak these affirmations aloud, turning the dining experience into a moment of mindfulness and self-connection. This unique approach reflects the restaurant's mission to nourish both body and spirit through intentional, positive language. For example, "I Am Whole" might be a refreshing berry salad, or "I Am Peace" might be a breakfast pastry. We all ordered our food using intentional affirmations, as the server knew what we wanted without us saying a single word about food. I ordered "I am Love", which was a delicious quinoa salad bowl. Yum! When the time came for my husband's mom to order her food, she looked at the waiter and said, "I am pancake"!! I about fell out of my chair laughing as it was so funny!! The whole family laughed too, and it is one of my favorite memories with his mom.
Since December 3rd, 2023, I have been taking Hindi classes to learn to speak and understand Hindi. I have a tutor in India who teaches me 2 - 3 times a week for 50 minutes for each class. I have been actively and voluntarily learning a second language for almost 2 years. At the ripe old age of 37, I started this journey for three reasons: 1) To communicate with my husband's family as they do not speak much English, 2) To ensure that our child learns both my primary language of English and my husband's primary language of Hindi, and 3) To support my husband and ensure communication exists regardless of later in life possible neurocognitive decline.
The challenge is that I have logged dozens of hours of Hindi, and I am nowhere close to being fluent. Hindi is a complex language because everything has a gender, and there are three to six forms of each verb depending on gender, plural, and whether it is spoken informally or formally. In addition to three hours of Hindi tutoring a week, I have also added "Hindi"to my daily habit tracking. So every day I carve out time to study Hindi. It may be in the form of rewriting my class notes, physical homework from my Hindi teacher, or even self-learning via podcasts, video, audio, or my workbook. It is a challenge.
An example of this challenge of learning Hindi in English, we have "he" and "she" or "her" and "him". In Hindi they have usko, isko, unko, unka, unki, unkey, inka, inki, inkey, uska, uski, uskey, iska, iski, and iskey. Hindi has gendered nouns and agreements, which means that everything is either masculine or feminine. Objects, adjectives, verbs, colors, pronouns, and even abstract ideas have genders. The bigger challenge is that there is no clear rule for gendered components, so I must memorize as I learn. Then, after you get the gendered portion down, one is challenged with the sentence structure. Example: My name is Clyde, which translates to Mera naam Clyde hai. To translate that sentence back to English in the Hindi structure form, it translates to - My name Clyde is. Hindi uses the Subject-Object-Verb (SOV) order, where English uses Subject Verb Object. I must memorize my learning in reverse order to learn Hindi.
Once you get all of that down, you have politeness levels that include three forms of "you" (tu/tume/aap). Each version of "you" has its own verb and cultural connotations, and if you use the wrong form, you could come off as rude or overly formal. Verbs are also a challenge because you have to follow a tense (present, past, or future). For example, to work is kaam karna. Worked is kaam kiya, working is kaam karunga or kaam kareygey, present work is kaam kar raha hai. There are many layers to learning basic sentences, and all of this is about speaking Hindi, not even reading or writing the language.
Another challenge is that there are over 47 different versions of Hindi, so depending on which part of India you are in or which part of India a person is from, their ability to understand and engage in conversation depends on it. Then there are also slang dialects that exist within each region of India. When I was in India recently, I couldn't fully converse with the locals, so my husband had to ask them to speak in "basic Hindi," and only then could I join the conversation.
I share all of this not to teach you, the reader, Hindi, but to highlight that learning a different language is hard. Before my Hindi learning journey, I would laugh at some of the things others said when English was their second language. My husband speaks English really well, but at times does not understand some English words and phrases, and I would get frustrated. Learning Hindi has opened my eyes and heart to be less judgmental, and I now have an appreciation for others. It's not an appreciation for their learning, but my entire relationships with others are based on communication and language. And if the "other's" primary language is NOT English, then our relationship only exists because of the effort they have put into learning English.
Learning Hindi has become so much more than just understanding words or grammar—it has become a lesson in empathy, patience, and connection. What began as a funny memory in a Café Gratitude in Carlsbad turned into a deeper awareness of how language shapes our relationships and how powerful it is when we make the effort to truly understand one another.
Through every mispronounced word, every confusing rule, and every humbling correction, I’ve come to appreciate the courage it takes to learn and communicate in a language that isn’t your own. My journey reminds me daily that love, family, and respect are often expressed through effort—and that effort is a universal language in itself.
So while I may still stumble through Hindi sentences, what I’ve gained is far greater than fluency. I’ve gained perspective, compassion, and a deeper connection to my husband, his family, and the many others who bridge worlds through language every single day.
Disclaimer:
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