The Mirror - The Fly
Perceptions are essential to acknowledge personally and within a relationship setting. What one may perceive as usual, another may perceive as chaos. We went to see the Broadway musical of the Addams family recently in Sacramento. It was phenomenal! We laughed and sang along as it was really well done! One thing that emerged during the musical was that young Morticia Adams said one of her famous lines - She asked -"What is normal? What is normal for this spider is chaos for the fly". Thinking about that statement, you wonder how much that applies to our everyday lives. What we consider to be normal may not be so normal for others.
Perspective is necessary in every situation. It helps us understand that we have unique experiences and perceptions of what is happening daily. Considering the fly and the spider statement, one could easily empathize with both the spider needing to eat and the fly panicking about its impending death. Easy to interpret, right? What about a more relatable situation since most humans do not eat flies, and we will not be hanging out in a web anytime soon? For example, can you think of a recent interaction or situation where you had a different experience or interpretation of the situation?
A common example of this dichotomy is when interacting with individuals with a trauma history. Traditional things like intimacy, boundaries, and social engagement could represent different or even extreme interpretations of a situation. What might be common and normal for one person may invoke chaos and a sense of losing control for another. Since most of us are not predatory spiders or simple-minded flies, how do we fix or avoid this? Communication and boundaries are important to ensure both individuals involved feel safe and comfortable. Communication ensures that everyone understands the intention of the conversation, plan, situation, etc. Boundaries are important because you protect your peace and role model how to set clear boundaries on what you will tolerate.
Morticia's statement prompts us to consider how our actions or societal norms might inadvertently cause challenges for others. It encourages us to cultivate empathy, question power dynamics, and acknowledge the interconnectedness of our experiences. This insight serves as a reminder to practice compassion and understanding, urging us to look beyond our own perspective and appreciate how others may perceive or experience the same situation differently. What feels routine, natural, or beneficial to one person may be overwhelming, harmful, or even life-altering for someone else.
In conclusion, the idea that "what is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly" reminds us of the profound importance of perspective in our daily lives. It challenges us to recognize that our norms and experiences may not align with those of others, emphasizing the necessity of empathy, communication, and boundaries. By acknowledging these differences, we can foster greater understanding and compassion, whether in personal relationships, social interactions, or broader societal contexts. Ultimately, embracing this mindset helps us create spaces where all individuals feel respected, safe, and valued—an essential step toward harmonious coexistence.
To conclude, I would like to share a poem that encapsulates these reflections and invites deeper contemplation:
What is chaos to the fly is normal to the spider
Hoping they don’t die the mouth opens wider
Cringing on fear and waiting for the death
Like a terrible scene right out of Macbeth
One has an appetite and the other has horror
Perpetuating realities that end up in torture
What one considers to be fine another surely considers out of line
We all need to be self-aware and learn how to create space and clear the air
For what you might say today could cause you to have a debt that you cannot repay
Moments turn into seconds as you lie there and squirm
Little did you know your reality was not on your own term?
The spoken word comes into play
Being mindful of the intentions and the things you say
Words can be like weapons or create sanctuaries
None can be done without firm boundaries
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