The Mirror - Concept of Self
According to Erikson's stages of development, stage five involves the conflict between Identity and Role Confusion, typically occurring between the ages of 12 and 18. This is when our sense of identity begins to take shape, influenced by experiences, culture, relationships, beliefs, and values, and it continues to evolve throughout our lives. As parents, it's important to encourage exploration during this phase to prevent role confusion. I've struggled with self-identity for a long time and continue redefining it daily. Being pressured to establish an identity at a young and arguably an inappropriate age can make it easy to lose yourself, sacrificing your uniqueness in an attempt to fit into predefined roles.
I grew up in rural Pennsylvania, where there are a lot of barriers to "growing". You are surrounded by what some would call blue-collared bigots who are afraid of anything different. This affected my growth because my family never created a space for me to explore my identity. I grew up thinking that being different is NOT OKAY. I suppressed feelings and emotions that I should have a safe place to process. Nearly three decades later I would just be touching the tip of the iceberg in regards to my personal identity - I AM OK with it.
At one point in my life, I thought I was a sociopath, and today I do not feel that is accurate. The reason why I thought I might be a sociopath is because, at times, I completely disregard other people's feelings or emotions. I became so fixated on my agenda that I lost all acknowledgment of others. This is true both personally and professionally. I feel I frequently wear a mask and hide my true identity because of the mask. I present this cheery, kind disposition, but at times, what I am displaying completely represents a lie. I even read a book on the subject titled appropriately "My Life as a Sociopath." The author referenced similar concepts. I realized that I was not a sociopath and just needed better boundaries, physical and emotional boundaries.
For most of my adult life, I would get lost in the identity of my job. I would constantly worry about or answer emails for work. I could not be present with my husband. I could not be present with my friends. I could not be present with my family. I could not be present with myself. All because I let this professional ego consume most of my identity. 38 years later, with 4 degrees and countless leadership moments, I figured out that I just can't let my job be part of my identity. As I write these words, I just graduated with my fifth degree to be a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, which puts me back on the clinical side of nursing, specifically psychiatric nursing. I also recently started a job as a corporate clinical nurse consultant, and I have approximately 43 Psych Programs for Crestwood Behavioral Health Inc. that I oversee and support. Already, I see a difference in my approach to my current employment. I will not stress, worry, or let my job come in the way of dividing me and the rest of my identity.
We find ourselves in a constant state of search for our "true" identity. This pursuit often consumes us in every capacity and distracts us from our pure form. I have spent most of my life in this pursuit. Constantly running from one identity to another. Professionally, I struggled with thinking I was on this planet to lead others, while the entire time, I did not understand I was eager to control the situations in which I worked. Being a shift lead, supervisor, clinician, director, and even a chief nursing officer, I struggled with my purest identity. It was not until I decided to bring harmony and balance to my life that I emerged as a single identity/person not attached to a title. Now, I am working on my identity because my job no longer defines who I am or what I stand for.
If you do not like who you are or who you "became" adjust your identity. It is YOURS and unique to YOU.
